“Medic Four, respond to a psychiatric patient off his medications.”
This call sounds easy enough. He is either nice crazy, or mean crazy. If he’s mean crazy, the nice man in the Crown Victoria will take him to the hospital.
I enjoy taking care of the psychiatric patients. They are the few that cannot help their situation. It’s not their fault they have mental disorders. I rarely have seen a mean psychiatric patient.
I like to think I’m pretty good at talking them down.
Officer McHugearms waves us up the driveway to the house, which is actually more like a halfway house as opposed to a private residence. There are 5 or 6 people who live in this house.
It turns out our patient is a new resident here, after being placed in this home about 3 weeks ago. Interestingly enough, he has been without his Depakote, Risperdal, and Seroquel for the same amount of time. He’s nice, but probably needs to be medicated. We have interesting conversation on the way to the hospital.
“I don’t like to fight. I”m scared to fight.”
“I don’t like to fight either. I’m a lover, not a fighter.”
“I’m a lover too.” He says. “I masturbate a lot. I like to look at the Maxim magazine.”
“Oh, yes. Pretty girls are in those magazines.”
“They are pretty. I like to look at them and masturbate. I have a mat on the floor because the lady has carpet, and I don’t want to mess up the carpet, so I got a mat.”
“So, how about those Packers?”