Somebody got tased by the long arm of the local law. Which means, of course, that an ambulance has to ‘check him out.’
Which means, of course, that we turn on the lights and sirens because someone requested our service.
Policy, you know.
Also, because an ambulance is going, the fire truck is going as well. In case, you know, the person is actually on fire. We generally can’t trust police officers to determine whether or not a person is on fire, so we might as well cover all our bases.
The dispatcher hasn’t finished reading the call to us before I stop paying attention and go back to my book. I’m reading The Pillars of the Earth again. I’m at the part where Aliena is about to marry Alfred.
“What are we going to?” asks the student third rider from the back seat.
“The cops tased some guy. Probably bullshit.”
Like all the other calls.
Sure enough, there’s a guy sitting in the back of a cruiser with taser barbs sticking out of his back. He is obviously not an upstanding member of society, and probably didn’t finish high school, judging by his lack of a vocabulary. He’s being such an asshole that I wish we could tase him again just to shut him up.
He’s even being a dick to me as I take the barbs out of his back.
Newguy goes to apply some band-aids to the puncture wounds on the patient’s back.
“Man, I don’t want no damn band-aid!”
“Tough. I don’t want you bleeding on Officer Nicely’s car.”
“Man, this is some bullshit! All this over a dirty ass hoe!”
We glance over to the alleged dirty woman when this rude man with holes in his back informs us of the reason for the argument, which resulted in the assault charges he now faces.
“Man, that bitch gave me HERPES!”
Newguy doesn’t miss a beat.
“So you’re saying she’s single now?”