Look, y’all. I’m interested in your reports and everything, but let’s try to keep it simple, okay?
I don’t care that the patient had her gallbladder removed in 2004. It has nothing to do with the tibia sticking out of her skin.*
I sure as hell don’t care that the patient got bitten by a spider eighteen weeks ago.*
I don’t care that the patient stopped taking Lisinopril three years ago when his doctor switched him to Cozaar. And I don’t care why the doctor made the switch, because it probably had something to do with the cough the Lisinopril gave him.*
I don’t care that the patient speaks Spanish, because we are communicating just fine with her in English. Also, working in the Southeast United States, I’m pretty good at spotting Hispanic people.*
Just tell me what hospital they want to go to.
And don’t bother with the vitals. Because we both know you need them only to write them on your report, and I am going to take my own.
*all things I have actually been told by first responders