“What’s wrong with her?”

“Nothing. She’s got the tachylawdys.”

“Geez. Take her to triage.”


‘Tachylawdy’ is a thing down here. Along with sick rags, but that’s a whole different post. Never have I seen tachylawdy present in a sick patient. Not once. The only times I have seen tachylawdy present in the field are:

  • anxiety
  • doesn’t want to be at work
  • [pick your male family member] is getting arrested
  • anxiety because of being at work
  • getting pulled over

I have never seen a patient present with the tachylawdys without the presence of other concerned family members. Nor have I ever seen a male patient present with the tachylawdys. I have, however, seen the tachylawdys present in female family members that were present while I was caring for another person, be it male or female.

Basically, you walk into a house and find a female, usually with the back of her hand on her forehead, always with her head turned away from you, eyes closed, not a damn thing wrong with her:

“Oh, lawdylawdylawdylawdylawdy…. OOOOOOOH, lawdylawdylawdylawdylawdylawdyheppmelawdylawdylawdy…”


Bradyjeezus now, is much, much more serious.


  1. Flash Larry says:

    We used to have a regular system of calls on the weekends in Metropolis. Usually about 8am and again at about 4pm (one hour after the 7am and 3pm shift changes), we would get an emergency call to Large Public Nursing Home on the south side. These were invariably patients who either were sick and discovered by the oncoming faux-nurses, having been ignored for the entire previous shift after the initial shift-change check, or they were patients who were a lot of trouble. Either way, it was suddenly an emergency to have them removed to the associated Large Public Hospital.

    And right after that would come the 9am and/or 5pm calls to one of the downtown hotels. The calls were always exactly the same. A patient would present NAD, complaining of chest pain if it was a male, and lower abdominal pain if it was a female.

    Apparently the drums had been beaten all over the community with the message that EMS will always transport chest pain and female lower abdominal pain.

    These patients were people who, having to work on the weekend, wanted off. Since they dared not call out on the busy weekend time, they would go to work, get “sick,” and we’d come and say, “Yes, he (or she) needs to go to the hospital.” What better way to get out of work than to make a quick trip to the hospital ER, suddenly be feeling better and all tests (which are done immediately of course) are negative. In a couple of hours, you’re on your way home and off for the weekend.

  2. Oh how I miss the South.

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