No! Bad Job!

Shaq and I are, as we call it, just chillin’ at post, tossing a football. Our magnanimous dispatcher raises us and sends us on our way to a local dialysis clinic, for a report of a “female with chest pain.” We make our way in that direction post-haste when we get an update:

“Med two, your patient is possibly coding, per the facility” comes the message from radio, while the MDT updates with “POSS FULL ARREST/CPR IP”

We have a hard time believing this, mainly because we haven’t run a legit call in at least six weeks, but maybe today is the day.

In the end, it was partially legit. No, the patient wasn’t in cardiac arrest. Yes, CPR was being done, but the patient never lost consciousness. At least the AED was applied correctly. Except there was a nurse doing CPR while the machine said to check for a pulse. And for some reason, she kept wanting to give nitro.

Instead of having a stroke, I decided we would just move the lady to our stretcher. In the process, I figured out what happened: the patient complained of chest pain, and the ‘nurse’ administered nitroglycerin, (probably too much at once, but maybe not) then the patient’s blood pressure bottomed out and the patient had a syncopal episode, at which time the staff panicked and began running around like chickens with their heads cut off.

Admit it, it’s plausible.

As we’re walking out, we hear one of the firemen talking to the ‘nurse.’ “Thanks a bunch, y’all. You guys did a great job.”

Bullshit.

“You’re gonna be here tomorrow, right?”

That’s become the mantra where I work. It doesn’t matter how bad you screw up, or whether or not you are actually competent at your job. As long as you show up on time, you’ll have a place to work.

They won’t fire you if you give the wrong dose of the right drug to a patient, and cause serious complications. No, they won’t fire you, as long as you can make it to a meeting where we can slap your wrist.

Oh, you gave the wrong drug to the wrong patient at the wrong time and the patient died? Don’t worry, that pink slip isn’t your termination notice, it’s your transfer notice. That’s right, they’ll just ship you to another division.

What? You sexually harass your employees and got arrested for beating your spouse? Geez, now they’re going to have to transfer that harassed employee! Don’t worry, though, they won’t fire you. You’ll get a new job title out of the deal, though.

You did what? You called a STEMI because the monitor doesn’t know how to recognize a right bundle branch block, and you activated the cath lab and cost the hospital thousands of dollars? They won’t fire you. Heck, they won’t even give you any remedial training. They’ll just make you transmit all your EKGs to the hospital.

Oh my goodness, you called a patient deceased in a motor vehicle crash without actually touching the patient? And that patient wasn’t actually dead? And another ambulance had to take that patient to the hospital? And you told the patient’s wife that her husband was dead? Don’t worry, they’ll somehow blame it on the fire department, even though the ambulance service is responsible for all patient care.

Yeah, you’re gonna be here tomorrow, right?

Check out this 12-lead I found

Found this 12-lead in the EMS room the other day while I was scrounging for a banana. Sorry it isn’t the best quality, and that is mainly because I stuck it in my car where I promptly forgot about it for a week. Hence the crumples.

But I tried to make it look nice.

Some EKG I foujnd

I found the paramedic that left it in the break room just to ask her about the patient. (I also wanted to ask her how she blows her nose with a piercing in her septum, but that will be another time.) The 12-lead was only done because of our policy (a 12-lead on anyone >50 with nausea). She said she laughed at the interpretation.

“Why were you laughing?”

“Because I had the Medtronic card in my hand. He had a ventricular pacemaker put in like six months ago.”

“So the computer was just kind of winging it?”

“Probably so.”

 

This is why I don’t pay attention to the interpretive statement until I interpret the EKG myself.

Hold your applause, please

Med four, you’re available at Local Hospital?”

Ten-four. My partner is walking out now, we’re ten-eight.”

Ten-four. Copy a 911 at Local ER. Female patient, white t-shirt, blue jeans, leaving the hospital now, wants to go somewhere else.”

…oh…kay…”

Med four, EMS Captain is clear, switch to talkaround.”

Ten-four…Four on Talkaround.”

Hey, guys. I’m clear on the call, I’ll head up there if you need me.”

Okay then. I’m not sure if we will need you yet. Shaq just got back in the truck.”

I’m clear. Just be advised, we can’t transport any patient from the ER from a 911 call.”
“Come again?”

If a patient calls 911 from the hospital, they have to be evaluated at that hospital, then the hospital has to arrange for a transfer if needed. We can’t take a 911 patient off of their property. The patient will have to leave the property before we can transport”

Okay, we’re clear.”

 

“Hey, buddy. You want some of these Oreos? They had them in the EMS room — what the hell is this on the MDT?”

“We got a call.”

“How did we get a call? We just went in service?”

“The call is here. Some gal is going to be walking out of the hospital. Wants us to take her to another hospital apparently.”

“Oh, so this has BLS written all over it, and you want me to handle it?”

“You’re the professional one, Shaq. Now how about them Oreos? Did you get me any milk?”

“Boy, I swear, I’m about to smack you upside your head. That must be her right there” he says, pointing to a woman meeting the description.

“Yeah, let’s go check it out.”

My mouth is full of the aforementioned Oreos as we watch a young, marginally attractive woman shuffle out of the ER front entrance, and shuffle her way over to a bench. We walk over to meet her.

“Hi, ma’am. I’m Shaq, and this is my partner C. Are we here for you?”

“Yeah. Y’all need to take me out of here to another hospital.”

“Well, what’s going on?”

“They are just rude in there, and they won’t take care of me. Take me somewhere else.”

“What brought you into the hospital this morning?”

“Well, me and my boyfriend was having sex, then after, I started hurting and burning.”

“Okay, What did they tell you inside?”

“I’ve been here for like, four hours and they try to tell me that I have gonorrhea or some shit like that. I ain’t got no gonorrhea. Me and my boyfriend are clean!”

“Well, did they do a pelvic exam and take a swab?”

“Yeah, the doctor did all that, then he tried to give me antibiotics, but I’m telling you, I ain’t got no gonorrhea.”

“Well, they are doctors, and those antibiotics are really important for you and your boyfriend to take.”

I ain’t got no disease. Take me somewhere else!”

“Well, I’m terribly sorry, but we can’t take you anywhere else.”

“You have to! I called 911.”

“I understand, but since you are at the hospital, you have to be evaluated and treated here, then the hospital has to have you transferred to another hospital.”

“That’s bullshit. You aren’t going to take me anywhere else?”

“No, ma’am. We spoke with our supervisor, and he says that we can’t.”

“Well what the hell am I supposed to do?!”

“It seems like you have several options. You can go back inside, and get those prescriptions filled. You can call someone to pick you up and either take you home or take you to another hospital, or you can leave the hospital property and call 911 again.”

“I can’t believe this. Y’all are going to make me leave and won’t take me to a hospital!”

“We are happy to take you to a hospital, but we can’t pick you up from this one. You’ll have to leave the property.”

“Fine then, I’m leaving.” she says, after which she gets up and starts shuffling off, down the sidewalk.

I’m still enjoying my Oreos, when Shaq turns to me.

“Let’s get in the truck. It’s gonna take her at least ten minutes to make it to that Citgo. We can probably be at the next post before she calls back.”

Med four.”

Med four.”

Ten-eight again. She’s gonna call back once she leaves the property.”

Ten-four. I’ll show you guys in the area standing by. I’ll let you know when she calls back.”

Shit.

Well-earned complaint

Shaq and I are running a non-emergency for a female who is weak. Which means there is absolutely nothing wrong with this woman. This is the same county that requires emergent response to ear aches, so use that when assessing the severity of this call.

According to the notes, she “doesn’t feel good.”

Call me a library book, because I’m already checked out.

We find this lady sitting in a chair in her living room. I wish I could say she was watching Maury, but the television was off. Shaq does all the talking, and we learn that she “doesn’t feel good.”

Chalk one up for the call-takers. Good job, everyone. Strong work.

We move the stretcher a little closer and Shaq asks if she can stand up to sit down.

“Oh, no, I’m just too weak.”

“Well, ma’am, forgive me for asking, but how did you get in that chair in the first place?”

“Oh, I walked here, but that was several hours ago.”

Mind you, I’m still checked out, and I only have vague recollections of what transpired next, but it ended with us lifting her out of her chair and putting her on the stretcher.

“Which hospital would you like to go to, ma’am?” he asks.

“Oh, I have to go to North County, they have my records.”

“That certainly won’t be a problem. C knows how to get there.”

“You guys aren’t going to put me in that…that…room with all those Mexicans, are you?”

“Well, ma’am, I’m not really sure what you mean. We don’t have anything to do with room assignments at the hospital.”

“Well, I don’t want to be in that room with all the Mexicans.”

Then he lets loose. “That hospital takes care of all sorts of people, ma’am. They take care of Mexicans, Indians, Canadians, Africans, Jews, Catholics, Asians, Russians, Italians, Australians, Caucasians, Muslims, Christians, and everyone in between-”

“-that’s not what I meant-”

“-they will even take care of bigoted American women. Now let’s go.”

The rest of the ride was real quiet. And then we got to sit in the supervisor’s office for a little while.

But it worked itself out.