Check out this 12-lead I found

Found this 12-lead in the EMS room the other day while I was scrounging for a banana. Sorry it isn’t the best quality, and that is mainly because I stuck it in my car where I promptly forgot about it for a week. Hence the crumples.

But I tried to make it look nice.

Some EKG I foujnd

I found the paramedic that left it in the break room just to ask her about the patient. (I also wanted to ask her how she blows her nose with a piercing in her septum, but that will be another time.) The 12-lead was only done because of our policy (a 12-lead on anyone >50 with nausea). She said she laughed at the interpretation.

“Why were you laughing?”

“Because I had the Medtronic card in my hand. He had a ventricular pacemaker put in like six months ago.”

“So the computer was just kind of winging it?”

“Probably so.”


This is why I don’t pay attention to the interpretive statement until I interpret the EKG myself.

Lame excuses

My employer runs a paramedic program. When I say that the company runs a paramedic program, what I want you to take away from that is that the company supplies a physical location for a paramedic program, and students to fill the chairs.

But, they attached the words “EMS Academy” to it, so maybe it is sorta-kinda-official.

Whatever. It’s a moot point.

My employer runs a paramedic program.

Being one of the company’s Field Training Officers, I get to see the aftermath of the paramedic program, when the newly graduated paramedics spend several shifts riding with me. Some of them aren’t prepared, but most are.

I was having a talk with another FTO, Tony, while at the hospital a few days ago. This must have been early in a shift, because I actually cared about the topic.

Tony mentioned that he rarely sees the same paramedic student more than twice, and that each student does at least twenty rides at our company. He thought it would be wise for a student in our paramedic program to be ‘assigned’ to an FTO for the duration of their preceptor rides.

While we’re on the subject…our program is putting paramedic students on ambulances for their preceptor rides after three months of school. They don’t know how to read a monitor, and they aren’t allowed to perform any ALS interventions. What the hell is the point of riding for twelve hours on an ambulance if you can’t do anything?


Tony made a good point. After ten rides or so, there should be a pretty good rapport between an FTO and a student. They should be able to communicate openly with each other, so the student can get the most out of their classroom time, and their ambulance time. After twenty rides, any bad habits should be corrected, and the FTO can feel confident in his evaluation of the student. Alongside the FTO’s confidence in his evaluation, the course director can feel confident in the evaluations he gets from the FTO.

But instead, the students just ride whenever, and wherever. Rarely more than once with the same paramedic, or even with an FTO.

So Tony and I brought it up to the director of the program.

“Assign each student to an individual FTO. We have twenty-five students, and eighteen FTOs. Surely we can come up with a list of seven competent medics to fill the roster of needed FTOs. Once a student is assigned to an FTO, that student does all of their rides with that FTO. It only makes sense.”

We got a reply:

“Well, that would just be too hard, and we don’t want to make it any harder on the students.”

This is why I don’t care.

Lame-ass excuses.


“What’s wrong with her?”

“Nothing. She’s got the tachylawdys.”

“Geez. Take her to triage.”


‘Tachylawdy’ is a thing down here. Along with sick rags, but that’s a whole different post. Never have I seen tachylawdy present in a sick patient. Not once. The only times I have seen tachylawdy present in the field are:

  • anxiety
  • doesn’t want to be at work
  • [pick your male family member] is getting arrested
  • anxiety because of being at work
  • getting pulled over

I have never seen a patient present with the tachylawdys without the presence of other concerned family members. Nor have I ever seen a male patient present with the tachylawdys. I have, however, seen the tachylawdys present in female family members that were present while I was caring for another person, be it male or female.

Basically, you walk into a house and find a female, usually with the back of her hand on her forehead, always with her head turned away from you, eyes closed, not a damn thing wrong with her:

“Oh, lawdylawdylawdylawdylawdy…. OOOOOOOH, lawdylawdylawdylawdylawdylawdyheppmelawdylawdylawdy…”


Bradyjeezus now, is much, much more serious.


Yesterday, I wrote about how Slimm and I were discussing the definition of ‘yonder’ while on the way to a call to pick up a bossy lady.

Seriously, that’s what we do.

We suggest that everyone eschew the common, accepted definition of yonder, which can be found at While it may be used to describe some “place, more or less distant; over there,” we propose a new definition:




1. further than you can throw, but not too far to walk

“I’m going to head over yonder to pee. Holler if we get a call.”

Now you know.

Estoy aprendiendo español

Slimm is out again today. Sometimes, I think that guy calls out just because he doesn’t like me. He gave me some lame excuse about his daughter getting her tonsils removed.


My partner today seems to be a nice guy. He obviously showered, doesn’t make me listen to country music, and leaves me alone while I’m reading.

We get a call for a “person down at a bus stop.” No doubt called in by some hero roaming the streets of our county, saving victims from themselves with phone calls. We never get to meet this hero, likely because he or she is always off in a rush to save the next poor soul, and can’t stick around the scene.

It’s a drunk guy laying on a bench at the bus stop. He is obviously Hispanic, or a really tan Texan with a penchant for western wear. He’s awake, but groggy. I think ‘somnolent’ is the correct medical term.



“Hola. Cómo estás?”

“Estoy bien.”

“¿Habla usted Inglés?”

“Eh, pero un poco. “

“Mi español no es muy bueno, pero lo intento.”

“Suena bien.”

¿Estás bien? ¿Tiene dolor en alguna parte?

“No. No tengo dolor.”

“¿Está usted enfermo?”

“No, cansado.”




“Sí. Muy borracho.”

“¿Beber toda la noche?”

“Toda la noche. Muchas bebidas.”

“¿Cerveza? ¿Vino? ¿Tequila?”


“¿Cuál tomaste?”

¡Todos ellos!”

“¿Quieres ir a un hospital?”

“¿Por qué?”

“Mi jefe me pregunto.”

“Su jefe suena estúpido.”

“Buenes noches.”

I look at my partner and the fire guys. “Alright, let’s pack it up. I think we are done here.”

“What the hell just happened?

“He says he is just tired because he is absolutely wasted, then he called our boss stupid.”


“Yeah. He doesn’t want to go to a hospital, either.”

“He called our boss stupid?”


“Smart guy.”